July 18th

I turned 22 on the 15th of this month and my world has been crazy since. Although, on the 18th I got to see Jeffrey Lewis and Los Bots at Mahall’s. I’ve been following Jeffrey’s music for over a year now. It all started with ”Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song” and I’ve been in love since the first listen. I found out the band was coming to Cleveland about two moths prior to the show. Jeffrey was looking for people to promote his show and have a place to sleep. I agreed to help with both.

I met Jeffrey and Los Bolts at the merch table early in the night. Everyone was kind. I had a horrible date with me but I bought a shirt and he bought a poster. We left to put our merch in my car and as we were walking back to the venue he decided to stop and grab food at a small Mexican restaurant spot on Madison. I didn’t want anything to eat, he got me a Fat Head’s Head Hunter IPA.

My date was still horrible. Only time I was able to have an enjoyable conversation with him was when we picked at the topic of the future. He head goals, I appreciate people with goals. Sadly, that’s a lost cause in a lot of people I encounter with. Although, his goals were deeply money based and I could only agree with it to a small degree, in my opinion.

He mapped out his life to make other people happy.

A part of me really wanted to have him listen to ”Ghost of Corporate Future” by Regina Spektor.

Money chasing men aren’t for me.

Have I mentioned how mad I get when I try on a button up shirt? Makes me feel like I need to make money.

It was about 9:40 pm and I was told the band was taking the stage at 10 pm. I forgot to mention, our waitress wasn’t the best. At all. I helped him kill his beer and we left the restaurant fast before we got ”the look” of a 10% tip.

Only time I SINCERELY laughed with him.

We walked back to the venue and he asked a girl standing outside for a cigarette. She kindly gave him one and the guy she was with stirred up a conversation with my guy. Her and I, biggest Jeffrey Lewis fans of the night. I was mind blown. And to add, we both live in the same city. How did I meet this obsessed Jeffrey Lewis fan that lives in walking distance from me in Lakewood?

It’s about 9:50 pm at this point and we go to the bar. She gets me a beer.

10:13 pm – ish and Jeffrey is on.

I lost my mind when ”Support Tours” played.

His set at Mahall’s was the greatest folk-acoustic dream I never knew I had.

Jeffrey announced that the set was coming to an end and I searched the small crowd with my lightly tipsy eyes for the cigarette-sharing friend I met. I find her far right of the stage and told her I wanted to start an encore and she was more than willing to help. Jeffrey’s last song was a hilarious tribute to Trump.

My new friend and I asked for for another song and she specifically asked for ”Cult Boyfriend”. That is such a good song, good choice on her part.

My date and I left the venue. He got 6-beers drunk. The drive home was equally bland and annoying.

Jeffrey Lewis and Los Bolts were spending the night at my house.

They found my place after midnight. We talked over New Belgium Fat Tire beer in my kitchen. We decided not to finish the pack because they had to travel to Michigan City the next day for another show. They were in Buffalo prior to Lakewood.

We all gathered in my living room once we woke in the morning. We talked about rock and roll books and road trips.

This is my life. Supporting the kind. And keep writing, more than I did yesterday.

What is a good story when it is supported by money?

My dream housing

– Small house. Brick would be nice. (House has to face sunrise)
– Heavy desks / tables.
– No basement.
– Two car garage.
– Wood / tile floors.
– Hot tub.
– Overly large mirrors.
– Big backyard.
– 3 or 4 bedrooms.
– One T.V. (To be placed in ”spare” room. Strictly no T.V. in my room or even in the living room)
– Brightly painted walls.
– Comfortable seating.
– Bookshelf.
– Maybe somewhere in Nashville.
– (Will always love you Cleveland, but got to go)

xxx

I’ve felt strong self intimacy today which led me to enjoy the day in my bedroom. Open window weather perfect. I feel happy and a dash of pretty today, yet no one knows it.

There is warmth between her eyes and legs

Eye lashes spread close to knees bent

Over her head, under the moon.

She scream and sweats, drips down to her neck

Wept until orgasm met.

Leads fingers out to arm stretch, press against her mouth.

Swallowed five, no teeth grind.

Drips from lips, up and beneath.

Leaves with a kiss smack and new tease.

Girl(s)

Another lone wolf story

Were you a mama’s boy?

I was the lone lost wolf in a broken family line.

I was nurtured by the forest and raised around the scent of desginated worthlessness.

My mama had said, ”boy, don’t stand still. The rest of our family is restless.”
So am I. Always, you mindless.

Nights of screaming packs of the wolves that I share my vein’s blood with.
Bellows coming from the hollow mouth.

Saliva spills out of my lips to get food without family teeth’s assit.

The rest of the members conitnue to stand destinationless under moon’s light
I’ve made a path in my own forest. Through the tress, I’ve taught the leaves silence.

My mind is not a place for my mama. I’ve witness a life I don’t follow.
I’ve been walking a path…

I’ve been walking a path of my own.

My own contentment movement.

Path of my own

Cancers

Summer Cacners, welcome to your season. You caring creatures fill many hearts day to day. If you’re a Cancer like myself (birth date is July 15th) you should know all double numbers are lucky numbers. Others bellieve that 11 brings some kind of luck to them but for us it goes beyond. 22, 33, 44, 55, 66…. keep that in mind, Our need to keep the care and love for others is extreme which can result in great falls. On the flipside, that is the best about Cancers, no matter what there will not be a dominance of hate within the bad times, there is always room to gameplan an act of love and sincertiy, I stand proud with fellow Cancers.

I recently went through a night of realizing what I really love. No matter what kind of presence the thing I love is in my life, physically / day to day, it is the room in my heart and mind that will always have its home.

Cancers do not forget true love.

Cancers, today our horoscope states to not be afraid. Step out of the routine and take care of yourself. We desereve an extra dosage of self prizing today.

Go Cancers, you rule.

Risiing with the sunlight, beaming minds.

To love. Guardian, for those who are crude and kind.

Explains paper to the blind and teaches laughs to the confused.

Mind vains care and a heart to always grow.

Laying floors and send you on your travels with a place back and an open door.

Cancers

Reasons why I’ve been slipping

I went through some time where I couldn’t catch my breath. Practically since the last time I posted on here life around me has been through the highest of amazing highs and the lowest depths of unseen Hell. I haven’t been this confused and upset with myself since my move from Parma to North Royalton in 2011.

I thought I was hiding these low emotions well but of course, those who talk to me regularly knew I was off and those new people that I met during this were having the best time with me.

I’m sad to admit that I didn’t complete my 12 day writing exercise. I will start again from day 1 once I am completely level-headed.

I am working towards that though, every morning. Every morning I have been sad and will lay in bed for an average of 3 hours rewinding the same upsetting thoughts.

But not on Tuesday mornings. Tuesday mornings I have an alarm set for 7:30 a.m. but my body will wake up before that. Tuesday mornings I wake up, take a shower, pack my backpack, get a tea / coffee, park my car on E.9th street, and write at Scene’s office. This is where I am happy for a strong amount of hours.

I had my first official published words on June 14th with Scene. Tell me that two years ago and I would have giggled and walked away from you.

I am so thankful for this opportunity to intern for such a well-known magazine of Cleveland. Sadness leaked through a lot this past month, still. My self-esteem (70% physical & 30% mental) was at an all-time low. I have felt like an annoyance to many. Parent problems. I lost my grip of wanting to write poetry. I felt used. I was overly holding onto things that didn’t matter, anymore. Death of people close to good friends of mine.

It wasn’t until 4 days ago where I told myself to have a better day. On June 15th I said, “You’re turning 22 in a month and look at EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.” And I did, it felt strange, but I did. How did I forget about everything I been through and done in such a short period of time? I lost a lot of love, for myself. I was buried underneath negative thoughts and situations and let it all pour over me.

I’ve been good since June 15th. The outside issues have not been resolved but my mental state is getting better. Now I only reflect on sadness for an average of 20 minutes. Actually, that’s a very strong, accurate average because I quickly get up as that motivates me to do something and stay happy.

I can promise everything to myself but I know nothing is proven until shown. Therefore, thanks to everyone who has kept their patience with me. Poetry and not-so-straight-forward personal writings to be posted soon. ❤

– Daniela Cacho 

20 line poem from my 12-day writing exercise

I have signed off official papers yesterday to confirm my internship with Cleveland Scene magazine this summer! I’m excited and thankful for this opportunity. I will be contributing and writing for the music section of Scene magazine. This is one of my many dreams to come true.

That being said, I recently have been digging in the Internet for writing exercises to help me write more and keep my thoughts strong. I wrote a lot for my college English classes and my college’s newspaper but those had at least a two week (even a month) later until due date. Writing for Scene will require quicker published writing. Which I am preparing for now to continue my confidence!

I ran into Brian Klems’ article called “A 12-Day Plan of Simple Writing Exercises”. Klems is an author and online editor for WritersDigest.com I enjoy the idea of having a different topic to write about every day for awhile. I started five days ago. Today, the fifth day, Klems wanted the writer to “write a 20-line poem about a memorable moment in your life.” I wrote about my dad’s stroke in 2012. I wanted to share this poem in my blog today and inform my followers what I’ve been up to recently! When I complete my 12 days I will post everything else.

Follow Brian Open on Twitter. @BrainKlems

She was sitting behind restricted walls, as they claim.

Sitting on rubbed out problem chairs.

Trying to keep her cool, stares at the clock, letting the boys walk.

Fly and sly as they pass her by.

Guys made for the rock bands, waving dirty hands.

She lets them wander by foot, looks at clock’s arms again.

Why was her phone ringing before noon?

People know high school girls need a game plan to sneak things in the class room.

Slides out her phone in her skin hugging denim.

Family member? Not band member?

She lets it go, accidental call.

Keeps vibrating, Aunt, Cousin, Uncle.

The boys behind her smile.

She panics.

Boys behind her smile.

Trying to call back, dropped calls.

Finds a window, leans body out to almost a fall.

Your father, your father is in the hospital.

Most unwanted phone call.

She cries, leaving the high school halls.

Math Class

REM Polaroid developed movies

I had a dream last night that someone was taking photos taken of my nephew and I with a Polaroid camera. They were taking on black and white film and I was able to remember what two photos looked like when I woke up. One was a sweet photo of us teeth smiling, cuddling tightly together. The other photo was my nephew and I looking at each other with my hand in my hair pushing it away from my eyes.

I was told that if I held the photo in my hand long enough the movie would start playing. Yes, a movie.

I held our classic smiling photo in my hand for some time and I watched it develop into a new form. The photo started to darken and flash with brighter colors. The colors started to fill more of the white bordered space the photograph had to spare. It was forming into a motion picture and I couldn’t understand how this was happening. I watched colors twitch fast as if it was coming to it’s final form. And it did. I had a movie rolling in my hand. It was not a movie I have seen in my awaken life but it did resemble some sort of superhero movie. It’s bright, bold, and American style colors were memorizing being born out of a black and white photograph.

I put that photo down, confused and amazed. I picked up my nephew and I’s candid and it followed the same procedure. The movie colors were rapidly working to make it’s form like watching a box TV find signal through static. It looked alive. Like life form finding it’s way out while building a personality from two stranger’s cells. This photo concluded into some sort of horror movie. I can’t recall more of a better description than that. The upcoming title screen had me nervous with its’ unsettling, blood moving music. I was no longer amazed at this creation I was rather frightened on what was about to play in my hand.

I woke up maybe shortly after this. My memory is now faded of this dream.

I could not let this dream be forgotten. It had me wondering if something like this could very much happen. Our on-growing releases of technology have no limits. At all. Although, I fear human relationship with today’s electronic devices from time to time. It makes it easy for a husband in Rome to watch his wife give birth in San Francisco. It makes it harder for a parent to ask for a favor in person when their child is two bedrooms over. Because, why not just text them to not walk away from watching fake news?

Technology and humans are comical when mixed.

I still want Polaroid developed movies.

The places you will go…

I have been on the down low about a lot of things lately and will continue to be for the next couple weeks. I will say though that I am thankful for all of the writing opportunities I had and continue getting presented to. Around this time last year I was itching for a big change in my life. Summer 2016 was filled with great traveling and meeting people but there was something in me that was locked up and making my mind think too much.

Poetry took me out of that heavy mindset.

I am now more aware of how to take care of myself. I give myself a fresh start the second I think I need it. I don’t cry often anymore.

My energy has been better. I found stronger passion in things that I always loved but not to its full degree. I got back the person I love the most. I started college.

I have also learned you can’t make everyone happy. Sometimes the people that are supposed to support you by society’s definition will never be there. That’s okay.

I know what I need. I have accepted there isn’t a clear path to anything and that alone is the start for anyone to continue what they need.

Wants and needs are different. If what you want will never be a need, drop it.

P.S. Cleveland is great. I got a summer internship today. 

Don’t let anyone put you down

Do what makes you happy. If whatever you like makes you so happy to the point you’re willing to risk everything don’t stop. Your energy is too strong. You will make it work. It will be worth it when you’re leading to your final days and look back at everything.

There’s a special place in Hell for people that yell at you and tell you otherwise.

(Especially when you’re trying to sleep or waking up)

Patti Smith has a fantastic quote about this.

“Never let go of that fiery sadness called desire.”

Agreed, Patti.